If you don't have upper-middle-class boomer parents, you most likely know about timeshares from that episode of South Park about the presentation that just won't die.
Well, the presentation is only part of the nightmare.
On the surface, a timeshare is just like buying a condo. Only you're not buying a condo. You're buying access to said condo for a one-week increment of the year. Most of them are in vacation areas. And if you "own" a week near a holiday period, then it's regarded as better (and more expensive) than weeks at other times of the year. Only it has all the closing costs, fees, and taxes of buying a condo, even though you're only getting it one week a year. And of course there's an annual maintenance fee.
Remember the latest round of incels babbling about how a new car loses value the moment you drive it off the lot? They're right about the car, just fucked up comparing a human being to said car.
Anyway, a timeshare goes negative in value the moment the papers are signed. The contract is nigh-impossible to get out of. I swear, the only reason this bullshit is still legal is that the primary victim pool is full of people used to writing checks to make problems go away.
So why am I talking about this now?
Well, a member of my polycule lost a parent earlier this year. And among the various adventures in estates we've had ever since, one thing we found is that they inherited not one but three timeshares in the process.
We're not the first children of boomers to deal with this bullshit, we ain't gonna be the last. So here's some heads-up for my gen x and millennial bretheren, sisteren, and enbyren.
There are, in fact, a small handful of ways you can get rid of a timeshare.
(There are a number of companies that will offer to help you get rid of a timeshare. My only advice is to get rid of these companies first. Preferably before they know you exist. And people wonder why I want dueling to be legal in America. Motherfuckers...)
Almost all of them require two things.
One, the timeshare has to be paid off.
Two, there can't be any outstanding fees or taxes on it.
One way is to try selling it to some other sucker. Heh. Good luck with that.
Another way is asking the timeshare company (because yes there's a company that tracks all up-to-52 of you suckers to buy a week of that particular unit) if they have a buyback program. Most don't, but there's no harm in asking.
If you really believe you haven't done nearly enough sinning in your life, you can try and donate it to a charity. I kinda twitched at the idea at first, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a lot of my generation donate their late parents' timeshares to the salvation army out of sheer spite.
The last method is available in some states, my home of Georgia being one of them. Here, an inheritor can renounce their claim to a timeshare. But it has to happen in less than nine months from the death of the original owner. It just involves writing a declaration to the timeshare company renouncing claim to the unit. Again, it's got to be paid off and outstanding taxes and maintenance have to be paid. But it works.
(Because we've all played Garou, it was quickly declared the rite of renunciation.)
Anyways, like I said, we're not the first to deal with this, we ain't gonna be the last.
If you're an adult, have a fucking will. I've had one since I was 25. It's not nearly as creepy as it sounds.
I know it's uncomfortable talking about death and what comes after, but have the conversation. You have no idea how much extra hassle you'll be saving those left behind.
And never buy a timeshare.
And dueling should be legal.
Take care of yourselves out there.
Well, the presentation is only part of the nightmare.
On the surface, a timeshare is just like buying a condo. Only you're not buying a condo. You're buying access to said condo for a one-week increment of the year. Most of them are in vacation areas. And if you "own" a week near a holiday period, then it's regarded as better (and more expensive) than weeks at other times of the year. Only it has all the closing costs, fees, and taxes of buying a condo, even though you're only getting it one week a year. And of course there's an annual maintenance fee.
Remember the latest round of incels babbling about how a new car loses value the moment you drive it off the lot? They're right about the car, just fucked up comparing a human being to said car.
Anyway, a timeshare goes negative in value the moment the papers are signed. The contract is nigh-impossible to get out of. I swear, the only reason this bullshit is still legal is that the primary victim pool is full of people used to writing checks to make problems go away.
So why am I talking about this now?
Well, a member of my polycule lost a parent earlier this year. And among the various adventures in estates we've had ever since, one thing we found is that they inherited not one but three timeshares in the process.
We're not the first children of boomers to deal with this bullshit, we ain't gonna be the last. So here's some heads-up for my gen x and millennial bretheren, sisteren, and enbyren.
There are, in fact, a small handful of ways you can get rid of a timeshare.
(There are a number of companies that will offer to help you get rid of a timeshare. My only advice is to get rid of these companies first. Preferably before they know you exist. And people wonder why I want dueling to be legal in America. Motherfuckers...)
Almost all of them require two things.
One, the timeshare has to be paid off.
Two, there can't be any outstanding fees or taxes on it.
One way is to try selling it to some other sucker. Heh. Good luck with that.
Another way is asking the timeshare company (because yes there's a company that tracks all up-to-52 of you suckers to buy a week of that particular unit) if they have a buyback program. Most don't, but there's no harm in asking.
If you really believe you haven't done nearly enough sinning in your life, you can try and donate it to a charity. I kinda twitched at the idea at first, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a lot of my generation donate their late parents' timeshares to the salvation army out of sheer spite.
The last method is available in some states, my home of Georgia being one of them. Here, an inheritor can renounce their claim to a timeshare. But it has to happen in less than nine months from the death of the original owner. It just involves writing a declaration to the timeshare company renouncing claim to the unit. Again, it's got to be paid off and outstanding taxes and maintenance have to be paid. But it works.
(Because we've all played Garou, it was quickly declared the rite of renunciation.)
Anyways, like I said, we're not the first to deal with this, we ain't gonna be the last.
If you're an adult, have a fucking will. I've had one since I was 25. It's not nearly as creepy as it sounds.
I know it's uncomfortable talking about death and what comes after, but have the conversation. You have no idea how much extra hassle you'll be saving those left behind.
And never buy a timeshare.
And dueling should be legal.
Take care of yourselves out there.
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