Machine Gun Shakespeare
(Videos below the story)
The MG Shakespeare series are my oldest videos, so I figured they deserved a backstory.
For those who don't know, I was a Machine Gunner in the U.S. Marine Corps from 2005 to 2009. And the late great Willie S. was with me from day one.
In a couple of movies you may have seen a gun nut character taking their weapons apart and putting them back together, sometimes in all manner of bizarre ways (Major Payne and Tackleberry from Police Academy are the first that come to mind). In the Marines, doing this is collectively referred to as "Diss & Ass," a fun and dirty-sounding contraction of "Disassembly and Reassembly."
It's not just done for bragging rights when you're bored and have nothing better to do, nor is it a simple hazing technique (Although it can, is, and has been both). It's a perfectly legit warfighting skill. The reason for this is that Machine guns have a lot of moving parts, chemicals and suchlike. Any jams, obstructions, or other messes keep a lot of firepower from happening when it needs to. So the ability to rip these guns apart, un-fuck whatever's fucked up about it, slap it back together and get back to the business of delivering lead downrange is a needed skill. The ability to do so in a very short time span is what keeps shooters in the fight, which is where they prefer to be.
(To be honest, most of 'em prefer to be in the vicinity of red meat, copious amounts of alcohol, and pleasurable feminine company. But since very little of any of those are available in most war zones, staying in the fight runs a close second.)
But as you can imagine, just playing beat-the-clock gets old. So variations are tossed into the mix. Doing so blindfolded. Doing so while everyone around you is yelling and screaming. Racing between two gunners. There's a method to this madness, apart from the brain-dissolving boredom that permeates the infantryman's lifestyle. The mythical beast called 'optimum conditions' known to warfare geeks and armchair generals alike, never makes an appearance during a battle. You're much more likely to encounter noise, screaming, dust, gunfire, darkness, and all the usual crap that denotes a discount vacation spot. Which means that job of lead delivery under any conditions becomes a big priority. And since even Marines find instigating a full-scale war within the confines of a barracks room less than wise, they come up with their own fog machines of war.
I threw in Shakespeare.
When you get to Marine Corps boot camp, you have fucking nothing. The clothes on your back are put in storage and replaced by uniforms. My wallet, a few bucks, my driver's license, and a piece of paper with the addresses of anyone I cared to write to were all I wound up with. Everything else was Uncle Sam's. While in the processing center before heading off to boot, I was reading a paperback of Henry V. On the off chance I would get away with it, I copied down Act IV, Scene iii (St. Crispian's day) on the back of the piece of paper that was my address book. As it turned out, I did get away with it, and read it often (as often as boot camp life let me, anyway).
By the time I dropped to the fleet, diss & ass in the normal variations were already boring. So I added the speech to my diss & ass of the M240, a 4 foot machine gun. That stupid human trick accomplished, I looked to the others. The ensuing hilarity resulted in the videos available today.
For those who don't know, I was a Machine Gunner in the U.S. Marine Corps from 2005 to 2009. And the late great Willie S. was with me from day one.
In a couple of movies you may have seen a gun nut character taking their weapons apart and putting them back together, sometimes in all manner of bizarre ways (Major Payne and Tackleberry from Police Academy are the first that come to mind). In the Marines, doing this is collectively referred to as "Diss & Ass," a fun and dirty-sounding contraction of "Disassembly and Reassembly."
It's not just done for bragging rights when you're bored and have nothing better to do, nor is it a simple hazing technique (Although it can, is, and has been both). It's a perfectly legit warfighting skill. The reason for this is that Machine guns have a lot of moving parts, chemicals and suchlike. Any jams, obstructions, or other messes keep a lot of firepower from happening when it needs to. So the ability to rip these guns apart, un-fuck whatever's fucked up about it, slap it back together and get back to the business of delivering lead downrange is a needed skill. The ability to do so in a very short time span is what keeps shooters in the fight, which is where they prefer to be.
(To be honest, most of 'em prefer to be in the vicinity of red meat, copious amounts of alcohol, and pleasurable feminine company. But since very little of any of those are available in most war zones, staying in the fight runs a close second.)
But as you can imagine, just playing beat-the-clock gets old. So variations are tossed into the mix. Doing so blindfolded. Doing so while everyone around you is yelling and screaming. Racing between two gunners. There's a method to this madness, apart from the brain-dissolving boredom that permeates the infantryman's lifestyle. The mythical beast called 'optimum conditions' known to warfare geeks and armchair generals alike, never makes an appearance during a battle. You're much more likely to encounter noise, screaming, dust, gunfire, darkness, and all the usual crap that denotes a discount vacation spot. Which means that job of lead delivery under any conditions becomes a big priority. And since even Marines find instigating a full-scale war within the confines of a barracks room less than wise, they come up with their own fog machines of war.
I threw in Shakespeare.
When you get to Marine Corps boot camp, you have fucking nothing. The clothes on your back are put in storage and replaced by uniforms. My wallet, a few bucks, my driver's license, and a piece of paper with the addresses of anyone I cared to write to were all I wound up with. Everything else was Uncle Sam's. While in the processing center before heading off to boot, I was reading a paperback of Henry V. On the off chance I would get away with it, I copied down Act IV, Scene iii (St. Crispian's day) on the back of the piece of paper that was my address book. As it turned out, I did get away with it, and read it often (as often as boot camp life let me, anyway).
By the time I dropped to the fleet, diss & ass in the normal variations were already boring. So I added the speech to my diss & ass of the M240, a 4 foot machine gun. That stupid human trick accomplished, I looked to the others. The ensuing hilarity resulted in the videos available today.