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Residuals 101

7/28/2023

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I got asked by a couple of people about residuals and how they work.

And given that it's a central point of contention for the current strikes, I figure I might as well give a rundown here.


We've all seen the life cycle of a movie release, even if we didn't know that's what we were looking at it.

A movie would come out in theaters, then in dollar theaters, then on video, then pay-per-view, then premium cable channels like HBO and Showtime, then basic cable, then regular TV.


Each one of these stages is called an exhibition. When movies first started having narratives, producers realized the big advantage they had over live performances. Mainly, that the same performance could be played again and again in different times and places.


Each of these new exhibitions pay a licensing fee to the producers of the movie. A cut of ticket sales, a cut of video sales, a cut of the ad revenue during a TV broadcast, whatever.


That FBI warning at the beginning of videos we all laugh at? It's very real. And it points out a very real distinction. You may own the physical object that happens to play a given movie. But buying that object only gave you the right to show it privately in your home.


Of course, the actors and writers noticed that producers were making this money off of their work. And they naturally wanted their cut.


In 1960, the last year the writers and actors both went on strike, both unions wanted increased residuals for broadcasting movies on TV. The AMPTP, seeing moviegoing drop sharply with the increasing popularity of TV, claimed they were bleeding money and couldn't afford it. (Remember this, it'll come up later)


SAG president Ronald Regan (seriously) ended up negotiating a deal that meant movie actors got residuals when their movies (made after 1960) were rerun on TV. Slowly, both actors and writers wound up getting residuals at various stages of exhibition.


Quarterly, producers report what their licenses have sold for to the unions, who distribute the proceeds to the actors and writers.


How much varies widely. A popular show that gets rerun a lot can make some decent money. A flop that nobody watched can make very little. A few years back, I got a residual check from a box office bomb I worked on. It was for the princely sum of six cents.


Now there's streaming.


In 2007, Netflix began streaming. At the same time, Viacom launched a deal to stream episodes of South Park online. At that year's WGA negotiations, the writers wanted video residuals (which hadn't been recalculated since 1985) to go up, while the AMPTP demanded a recalculation to account for the rise of cord cutting.


Remember, streaming was barely a thing. Netflix was the new hotness, but nobody was really sure it was going to be a big thing.


The result, after the writer's strike (which never did get their video residuals recalculated), the "new media" agreements were launched. These covered everything from Netflix to youtube. Since the commercial viability of streaming hadn't been established yet, it gave streaming producers much more favorable residual terms than other exhibitions. On top of that, actual numbers of streaming as far as what's more popular with what audiences, is data that streamers keep very private, as opposed to their subscriber numbers.


Remember the South Park episode where Canada went on strike, demanding more internet money that didn't really exist? That was Parker and Stone ruthlessly mocking the WGA for demanding more money that nobody knew existed at the time.


Now here we are. The unions are demanding streamers show transparency with their numbers and pay out residuals in line with other exhibitors. The AMPTP, claiming a rise in cord cutting and stagnant streaming numbers, say the demands are unreasonable.


Sound familiar?


Take care of yourselves out there.


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First book signing

7/27/2023

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Picture
Had my first-ever book signing for Renfield Blues.
In a meadery.
Successful all around. Sold some books, signed some books, hung out with some people, and there was tasty mead in abundance.
Mostly friends and family, but still, not shabby at all.

If you're in the Atlanta area, check out the Viking Alchemist Meadery. They're a little ways West of Suntrust park.

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Non-interchangeable Hollywood terms

7/23/2023

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So I got a couple questions come in. And as usual, I'm writing an essay rather than repeating myself.

There are subtle difference between "producer" "production company" "studios" and "The AMPTP"


Particularly now that the strike is in full swing and SAG interim agreements are causing waivers to be issued.


I might address those in particular later. But first I have to establish the differences I just mentioned, and a bit about why.


Movies get made in three stages: Production, Distribution, and Exhibition.


It wouldn't be inaccurate to say that what we think of as the big studios (Disney, WB, Paramount, Universal, and Sony) are mostly distributors who dabble in production as a side hustle.


Amazon and Netflix, on the other hand, are mostly distributors that have side hustles in production AND exhibition.


Here's how. Buckle up.


Production operates a lot like it sounds: get the money, then make the movie.


A lot of production companies are really just a producer and their office. Renaissance Pictures is Sam Raimi, View Askew is Kevin Smith, that kind of thing. So when they get a project, they shop around for both funding and distribution. Which means talking to the various People Who Can Say Yes.


(The People Who Can Say Yes are mysterious, eldritch beings with the power to greenlight a movie and sign distribution deals. They know their powers make them highly sought after, and hide behind gauntlets of assistants)


Sometimes a studio, usually with a licensed IP, will decide to produce and fund a movie itself, assigning a studio executive to act as the producer. These are unironically called "studio pictures."


On occasion, a movie star will choose to invest in their own star power and partially fund a movie themselves along with appearing in a lead role. This is why you occasionally see stars listed as Executive Producers.


And on top of all of that, one standard practice is to form a subsidiary of a production company whose sole purpose is to make a single movie. This is done as a liability screen so if disaster strikes, the subsidiary is who loses as opposed to the production company or the studio.


So that's production.


Distribution is the stage of actually getting the movie in theaters. This involved making and shipping actual prints back in the day. Nowadays it's more hard drives. This is also where marketing and publicity happens, with the distributor responsible for posters, trailers, merch, and other tie-ins.


Major studios will not only produce movies, but more often than not they will make distribution deals for movies made independently of the studio. Often the result of a producer having a conversation with The People Who Can Say Yes.


Ever wonder why DVD's have region codes? It's because different distributors operate in different parts of the world. And the distribution rights are sold to different distributors operating in each territory. A studio might own distributors in the US, the UK, and Japan, but they would all operate separately.


Unfortunately this is also where Hollywood accounting runs rampant.


Do you know how much it costs to put posters on a subway?


Me neither.


So the distribution side of a studio can bill the production side of a studio for services rendered, and before you know it, something that made $1B at the box office hasn't turned an actual profit.


This is why smart people ask for percentages of gross receipts off the top instead of net profits off the back.


It is also why studios laugh in the faces of non-celebrities who dare ask such things.


Then there's exhibition. That's the theater chains themselves.


Before the end of WWII or so, Studios used to do all three. Paramount would make movies, Paramount Distribution would market them, and Paramount theaters would show them. And before TV, this allowed studios to rerelease their biggest hits to their theaters every couple of years.


If this is starting to sound familiar, congratulations. You didn't spend all of American History class on your phone.


The Paramount Decree declared this system to be an example of a vertically integrated trust, and ordered the studios to break up.


Pretty much all of them dropped the theaters. They were the biggest loss leaders in people that had to be paid and buildings maintained. This is why concessions cost so much at the theater. They're what keep the lights on. The overwhelming majority of the ticket prices go to the studios.


The weird thing about American antitrust law is that there's holes in it big enough to drive trucks through.

Having an oligarchy that happens "naturally" is all well and good.

It's just engaging in practices that actively prevent competition from happening that will get you in trouble.


Or at the least needing to throw lawyers at it until it goes away.


This was the problem that began the Paramount Decision, with things like Block Booking, where a theater would have to show whatever a studio gave it as opposed to what it wanted to show.


In recent years, I thought the majors were going to run afoul of the Paramount Decree sooner or later. Disney got away with mandating that theaters playing The Last Jedi keep it for a certain number of weeks, whether or not it was selling enough tickets to justify remaining. Theaters that refused would be denied other Disney releases. So theaters in small towns, where everyone who wanted to see TLJ would see it in the first few weeks, would continue seeing it, with the theaters eating the cost of empty seats.


Then in 2018, a Netflix original (Roma) was nominated for an Oscar for the first time. I wondered if sooner or later, a judge would wind up ruling that Streaming would be considered Exhibition for purposes of the Paramount Decree.


Instead, the opposite happened. In 2020, the DOJ put a sunset provision into the Paramount Decision, since the old vertical integration model couldn't be replicated.


Long story short (too late) in a world with only two app stores, nobody's batting an eye at having movie studios in single digits.


So, a lot of us use terms like "the AMPTP," "Producers," "Production companies," and "Studios" interchangeably. But they can be very different, especially in terms of decision-making power.


Take care of yourselves out there.

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Day One

7/14/2023

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Last time SAG-AFTRA and the WGA were both on strike, Eisenhower was in the white house and some cowboy actor called Ronald Regan was president of SAG.

And I'm seeing the first of my lovable cranky old assholes singing variations on the tune of, "Hollywood's been putting out crap for years now and they want more money? Fuck 'em. Stuff in the 80's, 90's, and aughts was better anyway."

Really?

Funny thing about those years.

Even if it took a while between gigs, you could bring in a tidy sum on residuals. Reruns, DVDs, they all added up.

A writer's room had 10 people, working 8-10 months to make a show with 18-24 episodes.

A writer could write a 15 page pitch and the producer could pass or pay to develop.

CGI was the new hotness, and it was letting us tell stories in new ways with every passing year.

What happened?

A few things.

In 2004, Return of the King sweeps the Oscars and makes it cool to be a nerd. The trilogy had two years of preproduction and involved thousands of people.

In 2007, Netflix launches streaming on demand. The studios balk, but soon see it as just another revenue generator.

That same year, The WGA strikes over video and DVD residuals, which hadn't been recalculated since 1985, and over new media compensation, sparked by a deal Viacom made to distribute episodes of South Park online.

That strike ended with residuals left unrecalculated and with a "New media" contract in place, which gave streamers terms much more favorable to producers than they did in traditional film & TV.

In 2008, Iron Man releases with plans for the MCU to accompany it. Marvel bets big on what turns out to be the next level up from a blockbuster: not just a tentpole summer movie that could make a lot of money once, but a string of blockbusters with proven fanbases that can be brought back in every year for years.

In 2009, rendering Devastator for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen destroys a render farm computer at ILM.

Visual effects, being non unionized and international, increasingly allows competitive bids for portions of film work, resulting in races to the lowest bid.

In 2010, Peter Jackson is hired to direct The Hobbit Trilogy with less than six months prep time.
Ian McKellen would later reveal that the half-assed nature of the production left him in tears.

In 2011, Netflix and the studios start seeing each other as competition instead of mutually beneficial companies.

Netflix starts investing in original content while major studios like WB and Disney plan to launch their own services in-house and keep those fees for themselves instead of licensing them to outside services.

In 2012, Rhythm and Hues Studios files for bankruptcy 13 days before winning their fourth VFX Oscar for the movie Life of Pi. Visual Effects Supervisor Bill Westenhofer's acceptance speech is cut off when he mentions Rhythm & Hues.

Two months later, The Avengers hits theaters. Today, it is the 11th highest grossing movie of all time.

In 2014, CBS All Access launches, merging into Paramount+ in 2020.

In 2015, Amazon launches Spike Lee's Chi-Raq as Amazon Studios' first original movie.

In 2019, Disney+ and AppleTv launch. HBOmax and Peacock launch the next year.

Which brings us to today.

19 of the top 20 highest grossing films of all time were released after 2007. 17 of them after 2010.
And yet they plead poverty.

That writer who could've written a 15 page pitch and gotten it passed or paid to be developed is expected to have an a list director, a list actor, a series bible, and a whole laundry list of shit that used to be a producer's job in order to have a chance in hell of actually seeing production.
And yet they plead poverty.

That writer's room now has 2-3 writers for an 8 episode series working 10 weeks at best.
And yet they plead poverty.

Co-stars, guest stars, recurring guest stars, series regulars in all but name are being offered the bare minimum and actors are being told to take it or leave it.
And yet they plead poverty.

The few stars left who can get a picture made by agreeing to sign on are all in their 70's, 80's, and 90's because they were all stars in an era where that was still a thing.
And yet the producers plead poverty.

The few stars under 50 who exist don't have nearly the decision making power you think they do. And a lot of the ones who might be are burning out instead.
And yet the producers plead fucking poverty.

The AMPTP openly said they want to scan background actors for a day's pay (which is about $150 or thereabouts) and then use that scan with AI in perpetuity.
And yet the motherfucking producers plead fucking poverty.

The movies and shows that you loved and went back to time and again were made by people who were making a living making them.

The ones that you're sneering at were made by people struggling to get by while making some asshole in a mansion a touch richer.

And you want to say fuck us while we're trying to change that?

Think about it.

Take care of yourselves out there.

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Gun control happens on the right all the time

3/30/2023

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It's usually just wrapped up in Law & Order BS.
To the tune of, "we better not let THEM be armed."
I mean, there was a ton of it wrapped up in Jim Crow all over the place. But that's easy pickings.
Just looking at the 20th century?
California's Mulford Act (It's even named after a Republican congressman) prohibited carrying loaded firearms in public. It was explicitly a response to the Black Panthers being openly armed when they patrolled neighborhoods, at one point marching on the capital building of California. It passed with bipartisan support and was signed by Governor Ronald Reagan, who vocally supported it. Thus began the slow descent of California into the neofeudal shithole it is today.
A year later, the Gun Control act of 1968 (publicized as a reaction to the mail-order firearms used to assassinate JFK and MLK) introduced the first four (later ten) federal prohibitions from owning a firearm in the U.S.
Of the four, three were definitely targeted at "undesirable populations."
Number one, felons.
I don't have to go into the ridiculous amount of things we've felonized over the years, do I? Nor go in depth as to who gets convicted more often?
Number two, drug users.
The 1968 version specifically highlights marijuana users.
It was a way to target BIPOC and hippies without coming right out and saying so.
As late as 2011, the ATF declared that holders of medical marijuana cards are automatically prohibited under this law.
Number three, adjudicated a mental defective or has been committed to any mental institution.
The DSM included all the LGBT spectrum and all the kinks in 1968.
There are mouth-breathing cousin gropers out there arguing this week that number three should be held against the LGBT community thanks to the Nashville shooting.
If I can say nothing else, I have to say that it's YOUR second amendment too, godsdammit.
Use it if you need to.
Don't if that's your desire.
But do NOT let the assholes try and take it from you.
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I've met several varieties of sick fuck in my day

3/28/2023

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But it takes a special kind of fucking vulture to jump on the fact that the latest mass shooter was from a demographic you already hate.
Seriously, how fucking sick is that?
I mean, the usual gaggle of well-meaning dupes and garden variety morons screaming for more gun control every time like clockwork are annoying, but I can at least see their logic if I turn my head and squint.
But jumping, jumping, at the chance to bury the needle on the Othering meter... that's just dragging humanity down and stomping on its collective head.
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Here's hoping

3/17/2023

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SB 140 (GA's anti-trans kids bill) passed the House and headed to the Senate yesterday.
It's not quite as ugly as the ones in TN and FL, but it still sucks.
My rep and senator are already voting against it, so I called the governor's office to give support for a veto.
Will it happen?
Outside chance.
Most of these bills are the first wave of the GoP trying to gain former Trump supporters without supporting Trump personally. The good thing about Kemp is that he's already proven he doesn't need to. He was one of the first and loudest to openly defy Trump. And he not only kicked his primary challenger's ass, he won a rematch with Abrams when she came back with a bigger war chest and national support.
He governs a purple state and knows it. I know I'd rather take an arrow out of my opposition's quiver rather than throw a bone to a far-right faction that either voted for me anyway or I won without their support. But that's me.
Here's hoping.
(And no, I didn't grind the poor staffer's ear with all of this. I kept it simple.)
Take care of yourselves out there.
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Know thy Enemy: trans bans, drag bans, and Desantis in general.

3/6/2023

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All right, I'm giving this a go. The usual rules apply. If you feel like calling people haters and talking shit is the most effective use of your energy, go away. We're here to find out the why's in hopes a solution may present itself.

Main query:

Why is it that bans on trans care and drag performance have suddenly become a priority?
What's changed recently that have made them issues worth pursuing on the Right?
How did we get there and how might we get out of it?

REMEMBER: A given point doesn't have to be true to be effective. It just has to be BELIEVED.

No sources will be given, nor will opposing citations be entertained.
Nobody trusts anybody's sources anymore, we're just going to have to trust our own thoughts.
We are anyways, might as well admit it.

A few things to establish before we get into the history...


First off, most political bans have three distinct characteristics:

They are (directly) cost-neutral,
incite fear/anger/hatred in a portion of your base,
and anyone defending it probably isn't going to vote for you anyway.
As such, they're useful in proposing once you achieve power as a means to attract and/or placate the far wing of your party.

Secondly, humans have an instinctual urge to defend children. Humans are primates, and young primate is a tasty snack for every predator that lurks outside of the fire. It's why kids of several ages do not like being left alone in dark rooms. It's also why a political position framed as a threat to children is so common. Doesn't matter what it's trying to ban. An attempt to ban abortion and an attempt to ban guns will both scream about dead children at you because they're trying to hit that panic button in your primate brain. And if you haven't already debunked the story they're telling, it's highly effective.


Thirdly, the LGBT community has a longstanding tradition of found families.

This is unfortunately because said community is full of examples of blood family not being worth shit.
LGBT individuals have long been seen as a threat to monogamous nuclear families for a number of reasons.
Remember Don't Ask, Don't Tell?
Wanna know what one of the biggest oppositional voices to DADT's implementation AND repeal?
Along with the integration of women into combat arms?
Military. Wives.
Think about it.
Bad enough you marry your high school sweetheart and get dropped into some city you've never heard of with a support structure that can vary widely in its actual support.
Bad enough your husband spends more time out in the field with his battle buddy than in bed with you.
At least they're not fucking each other, right?
Then that suddenly becomes a possibility.
And what does that leave for you?
How humiliating is it to go through all that only to find out you're not a partner, but an alibi?
Bad as that is, at least that's between adults.
Find out you're LGBT in a family that has no place for such when you're a kid and your options are really damn limited?
It sucks. I saw it happen repeatedly when I was a teenager.
Conversion therapy.
The whole "hate the sin and love the sinner" bullshit.
Not to mention the ones who didn't even bother to hide the fact that they'd rather have a dead kid than an LGBT kid.
So found families form in an attempt to keep each other alive.
Which is what the queer agenda really is. Even if they had the inclination to turn straight kids queer, they don't have the time or the energy. They're too damn busy keeping queer kids alive.

Fourth, on the phrase "life has a liberal bias."

Every jackwagon I've ever heard espousing this is either a diehard leftist, a teacher, or both.
While administration leans somewhat right, teachers in general go far left.
Moreso in college than in K-12, more in urban vs rural districts, but the bias can be seen from orbit. And that's been the case since the 70's.
It's only grown more bold and pronounced ever since.
And while teachers don't have much in the way of personal power, they do have, for lack of a better term, captive audiences.

Put pins in all four of these, they're gonna come back up.


Now we're on to political history in America in this century.


Which kicked off with eight years of plenty and eight years of famine.

What order they came in depends on which side of the aisle you were on.

And while Dubya was treated like an ordinary president (albeit with shades of Regan, given that he was a New Englander Yaleie who convinced the world that he was a Texan hick), Obama was treated like the second coming. A messiah. He was young, he was hip, he was the first black president, he was leagues beyond the old hick fuddy-duddy he was replacing, let the good times roll.

This despite having a record on LGBT rights that couldn't get him elected to a city council as a Democrat these days. In the 2008 race, he and Clinton both refused to support gay marriage, with some blather about civil unions being as close as he'd come.
Despite this lack of enthusiasm, once in office, he got a lot established as far as LGBT rights came. By the end of his first term, he'd repealed DADT, got gender identity added as a protected class under the ACA, and expanded federal hate crime law in the same way. In his second inagural address, he became the first president to call for gay rights or even mention them in an inagural address. By the end of his term, he saw Obergefell v Hodges establish the rights of same-sex marriage. In his last year in office, the pentagon formally ended the ban on openly transgender service members.
While this was going on, the general attitude of the left had gone from "let the good times roll" to "we'll never have to hear the word 'no' again!"
With all of the insufferable arrogance that entails.
Dissension by conservatives was declared the feeble cries of out-of-touch flyover country Boomers who didn't know, didn't care, and didn't matter. They were all going to die soon anyway and their hatred would die with them.
But none of this would ultimately be the case. In 2008, the same day Obama was elected president, California passed proposition 8, defining marriage as between a man and a woman.
Lemme emphasize that: CALIFORNIA did this.
Opposition was both deeper and wider than anyone expected. And a lot of gains came in eight short years. The opposition was told it this was how it was gonna be now. Pound sand if you don't like it.
Then Trump showed up.
In 2014 he was an NYC Democrat and consistent Clinton donor.
By 2016 he had mopped the floor with over a dozen Republican establishment candidates to win the nomination.
And all those flyover country folk clinging to their god and guns hadn't died off.
They voted instead.
Because he was at least pretending to listen. Which was more than anyone else was bothering to do.
And the left, convinced that they'd never hear "no' again, heard it anyway.
Thus began a four-year tantrum.
Trump himself has posed a conundrum for the Republicans ever since.
He didn't give a shit about the Republican donor class, but he mopped the floor with the entire slate of donor-approved, focus-grouped candidates. Then he was such an asshole that a lot of positions under him couldn't be effectively filled.
So every Republican following up had to win the support of Trump supporters without emulating his style or lack thereof.
Some (JD Vance) being better at it than others (Marjorie Taylor-Greene).
Then the pandemic hits.
Schools got hit HARD by the pandemic. A massive pandemic plus every room full of kids with wildly varying diligence for hygiene or personal space plus unfunded mandates by the score plus a teaching population that skewed hard into demographics that only made COVID deadlier. Teachers did a lot of unsung good work during the lockdowns.

But those lockdowns and the subsequent online learning led to two things:


One, a lot of parents suddenly had the time and energy to become much more involved in the school lives of their children.


Two, online learning provided said parents with open windows into how their kids had been learning all along.


Remember what I said earlier about left-wing biases and captive audiences?

Oh yeah.

In fact, reread those four points at the beginning. I'll wait.


So. For a leftist teacher, the 21st century was eight years of famine followed by eight years of plenty when the good times rolled to a nightmare dystopia. All of which you have a captive audience for. Teachers knew about lgbt and found families too. And while teachers are mandated reporters for potential abuse, they're not about to out queer kids to their families. They've heard the horror stories. Some of them saw those horror stories happen. Some of them lived those horror stories.

Ugliness ensued as parents and school boards began butting heads.
Some of them comical (remember the lady who loudly described a depiction of anal sex in a school library book and went on to declare just as loud that no such thing had ever happened to her? I've never seen such powerful "this is a Wendy's" energy.)
Some of them tragic (the NSBA comparing concerned parents to terrorists, with the FBI becoming involved.)
So all these concerned parents are out there. And they're seeing a left that has a significant number of teachers in it. Which for the last decade or so have been beating the drum that, while not all cishet white dudes are evil, all the evil in the world seems to stem from cishet white dudes.
And whether they realize it or not, they're now pointing out that there are... alternatives.
I know. I know.
A ridiculous premise to anyone who actually knows trans folk personally.
But remember, these parents spent eight years being told that they were wrong and didn't matter.
Eight years from seeing the LGBT community go from flamboyant urban wierdos but are now allowed to marry, to adopt, to serve openly in the military, to alter their bodies and have the government pick up the tab.
Then these parents spent another four years being told that they ruined the world.
By a group that doesn't give a single fuck about lying to parents about what's going on with their children.
Who have had those children as captive audiences since kindergarten.
That big ol primate brain "THREAT TO CHILDREN" button is being repeatedly mashed.
Then in comes this governor.
That mayor.
This city council.
That school board.
And they're backing the parents up.
Banning this book, that show, this procedure.
"Somebody tries that shit with your kids? They'll be punished."
"Who gives a shit about some gaggle of perverts having karaoke night with delusions of grandeur?
These guys actually give a shit what happens to me and mine."
THAT is the political maneuvering going on.
Biden's term is turning out mixed at best.
Trump may still be a fly in the jam.
But a lot of alternates are out there.
And banning drag shows? banning trans care?
It hits all three points for being effective politics.
Especially at the local level.
At the bar and grill you go to.
At the school you send your kids.
It's not a major national priority. It's not the war in Ukraine or conflict with China or inflation or the economy or any of the big picture issues.
It's local.
It's personal.
And unfortunately, I don't see many possible counters that haven't been burned.
Social media is a long line of dumpsters, all of which are on fire.
Nobody trusts the news.
Nobody trusts mainstream culture to do anything but chase four-quarter demographic dollars.
On top of that, one of the most prominent trans celebrities in America (Chief Chris Beck) has now detransitioned, become an evangelical Christian, and is vocally advocating against trans care for minors.
So that's where I am.
I've convinced myself how we got here.
I know why it's effective.
I'm stumped on how to fix it.
Here's hoping someone figures out that part.


Take care of yourselves out there.

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A Millennial's guide to inheriting guns

2/15/2023

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So, a little over a year ago, my metamour's estranged father passed away.

I had never met him, and frankly never expected to.


I definitely did not expect to spend most of 2022 dealing with him and his bullshit.


I found this out on set. On my last day of filming. I was between setups when I got a text from Abby saying "How do I unload this?"


Thus began a saga.


(Side note to my fellow gun nuts:

No.
Take your thirsty elsewhere.
I know you have wet dreams about this kind of thing.
Still no.
Everything went to nice homes and were tragically lost in boating accidents the next day.
Don't even bother. I can and will block your ass.
End side note.)

The cops had found His body during a wellness check and notified Indi, what with them being an only child and all. So they went up with Abby to try and find any needed paperwork and to secure the house and anything particularly valuable or dangerous.


Which is when we found out that He was in some yet-unknown classification between a prepper, a hoarder, and a squirrel.


When it became obvious that I was gonna be of minimal help while trying to finish the shooting day, Abby went on youtube and found out how to unload and clear everything they'd found at that point.

So I came home from set with my gear bag to find the miscellaneous table in my studio had grown exponentially. Over the next couple of months we'd find still more in weird places. It got to the point where we established a code word just because Abby had gotten tired of hearing "found another one."

On the third or fourth weekend, one of us discovered a hidden compartment in the floor of the closet, concealing six cans full of ammo.


I'm not gonna give a full laundry list of everything we found (amidst all of the other stuff). I will, however, say that I ran out of locks and cases securing the man's ordnance and had to run out to get more.


I'm a Xennial, Oregon trail, late gen X, elder millenial, whatever you want to call it. The surviving parents of my polycule are all Boomers. I realize I'm not the first person this is gonna happen to, and I'm gonna be far from the last.


So, if you're a gun owner:


One, try and at least be able to lock up all of your weapons at once.


Two, put in writing what you want to go to who in the event of your demise. Combinations to any safes should also be included in your will and similar papers.


So, if you wind up being an heir or an executor:


Whatever you find, point the muzzle in a safe direction, unload and clear. If you need them, Youtube should have tutorials. Last time youtube censored a lot of gun stuff, pornhub took up the slack.


You don't technically need a safe. Anything you can lock it inside and prevent fuckery should do the immediate job. Hard golf club cases can secure most long guns. Toolboxes and chests can secure pistols. Make sure they lock and the keys/combinations are kept secure.


Some states treat firearms like any other property as far as inheritance goes. Other states may have specific laws directing them. Check with your probate lawyer. And don't rely on being in a currently-red state to be a substitute for checking, either.


So, probate court is done, the state says they're yours now, and you don't want 'em.

What to do with them?

There's options.


One, you can ask a gun nut friend to help you get rid of them. Some may offer to buy them outright, others will help you with one of the other options.


You may have noticed in my sidebar above, but a common though morbid joke in the gun community is an older gent asking too high a price for a given weapon, to which the younger potential buyer will reply, "OK. I'll just buy it off your gun-hating kid at your estate sale."


It should go without saying that a GOOD gun nut friend will be more concerned for you than for a potential bargain. They'll still be *interested* in said bargain, but they'll care about you first.


Two, a number of gun shops and a number of pawn shops buy as well as sell. I keep saying that guns are like cars, and this is a place where that's true again: make, model, and condition will go a long way in determining the price you can get. In a straight sale, you *might* be able to get around 60% of what it can retail for on the used market. Your mileage varies a lot here.


Three, if you have a large collection (more than 10 or so) or several particularly valuable pieces, renting a table at a gun show might be an option. Especially if you've also inherited ammunition and/or accessories you've no use for. Unfortunately, unless you really know the market and are naturally good at sales, this option will likely be more of a hassle than it's worth.


Four, if you know how to sell on ebay, Gunbroker operates in a similar fashion, but with additional steps to make it legal. Choose an FFL near you (probably a local gun store). When you sell, take the weapon to said FFL, which will ship it to another FFL near the buyer (both of them taking a fee for their trouble) who will do the buyer's background check and finish the sale there.


Five, police buyback programs are sporadic, but chances are there's one happening in a major city near you sometime in the next year.


Six, if all else fails, you can surrender a firearm to a local police station. You might have to drop it off yourself (unloaded and in a box, please). They probably won't give you anything for it and will make no guarantees as to what happens to it next. But it will be out of your life and no longer your problem.


As always, hope the info helps.


Take care of yourselves out there,

- J.
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The Important lists

12/23/2022

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Watch every year Christmas movies/episodes/specials:

Muppet Family Christmas

The Hogfather
Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas
Nightmare before Christmas
Lion in Winter (Slight preference to Patrick Stewart/Glenn Close over Peter O'Toole/Katherine Hepburn)
Muppet Christmas Carol
Fraggle rock's Festival of the Bells
The Ref
Garfield's Christmas special

If I get to it Christmas movies/episodes/specials:

The Santa Clause

Scrooged
Gremlins
Batman Returns
Bad Santa
Mickey's Christmas Carol
Die Hard 2
Earnest Saves Christmas
The Star Wars Holiday Special
Life and Adventures of Santa Claus
He-man and She-ra Christmas special
Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special
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