Notes to hetero dudes, from another hetero dude.
Note one:
If you've never been in one before, understand that nothing goes on in a gender-neutral bathroom that doesn't go on in a gendered bathroom.
Or at least it shouldn't.
Close and latch the stall door to the best of your ability.
Give a backblast warning if at all possible.
Don't try to start up idle conversation. If you're bored, scribble on the walls of the stall or check your phone like everyone else.
And most importantly,
DON'T FLIRT!
Seriously, do you not see the disadvantage you're putting yourself at?
Fuck, at least wait until you've washed your hands.
Sweet Daddy Odin, wash your hands.
Note two:
Someone wearing headphones is the closest thing in Western society we have to wearing "LEAVE ME ALONE" t-shirts. In the gym, on the subway, on the street, whatever, they all mean the same thing. Leave the person wearing me be.
Now, out here in the abstract world, we can argue the effectiveness of societal use of personal space bubbles, their effectiveness or lack thereof, and their affect on situational awareness.
That doesn't change the fact that people who intentionally break the unspoken rule of "leave the person wearing headphones in public alone" fall into three categories:
One, vendors trying to make a sale.
Two, dumbasses who think societal rules don't apply to people they're attracted to
Three, fucking predators.
If you don't have a hot dog cart within arm's reach and you're still not leaving the headphoned alone, your options are limited, fuckstick.
Note three:
If being a hetero dude has one universal constant, it's being turned down by a lady.
Often, before you've even had a chance to make your case.
Seriously, it happens to all of us.
ALL of us.
Yep, him too. You probably didn't see it, but it totally happened.
But I can see where you wouldn't believe it.
Because some hetero dudes experience this, get a divide by zero error in their head (not gonna speculate as to which) and suddenly fire off the discourtesy cannon.
Sometimes it's melodramatic disappointment, as if the lady's somehow disappointed all humanity by NOT desiring you.
And sometimes it's truly vile bullshit. Acting like she kicked your messenger down the well, and now you're threatening to conquer her Sparta.
But melodramatic, vile, or both, pulling this only proves one thing:
You fucking suck at being a hetero dude.
Seriously, you can't experience the one universal experience to us without being a sniveling loser or a vicious shit? I'd shoot you down too.
A quick "no worries" and going about your business costs you nothing but a little willpower at most, and makes the world a better place overall.
Try it and you might catch up to the rest of us.
Note one:
If you've never been in one before, understand that nothing goes on in a gender-neutral bathroom that doesn't go on in a gendered bathroom.
Or at least it shouldn't.
Close and latch the stall door to the best of your ability.
Give a backblast warning if at all possible.
Don't try to start up idle conversation. If you're bored, scribble on the walls of the stall or check your phone like everyone else.
And most importantly,
DON'T FLIRT!
Seriously, do you not see the disadvantage you're putting yourself at?
Fuck, at least wait until you've washed your hands.
Sweet Daddy Odin, wash your hands.
Note two:
Someone wearing headphones is the closest thing in Western society we have to wearing "LEAVE ME ALONE" t-shirts. In the gym, on the subway, on the street, whatever, they all mean the same thing. Leave the person wearing me be.
Now, out here in the abstract world, we can argue the effectiveness of societal use of personal space bubbles, their effectiveness or lack thereof, and their affect on situational awareness.
That doesn't change the fact that people who intentionally break the unspoken rule of "leave the person wearing headphones in public alone" fall into three categories:
One, vendors trying to make a sale.
Two, dumbasses who think societal rules don't apply to people they're attracted to
Three, fucking predators.
If you don't have a hot dog cart within arm's reach and you're still not leaving the headphoned alone, your options are limited, fuckstick.
Note three:
If being a hetero dude has one universal constant, it's being turned down by a lady.
Often, before you've even had a chance to make your case.
Seriously, it happens to all of us.
ALL of us.
Yep, him too. You probably didn't see it, but it totally happened.
But I can see where you wouldn't believe it.
Because some hetero dudes experience this, get a divide by zero error in their head (not gonna speculate as to which) and suddenly fire off the discourtesy cannon.
Sometimes it's melodramatic disappointment, as if the lady's somehow disappointed all humanity by NOT desiring you.
And sometimes it's truly vile bullshit. Acting like she kicked your messenger down the well, and now you're threatening to conquer her Sparta.
But melodramatic, vile, or both, pulling this only proves one thing:
You fucking suck at being a hetero dude.
Seriously, you can't experience the one universal experience to us without being a sniveling loser or a vicious shit? I'd shoot you down too.
A quick "no worries" and going about your business costs you nothing but a little willpower at most, and makes the world a better place overall.
Try it and you might catch up to the rest of us.
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