Jay Peterson - Blog

Strange things are afoot...

10/14/2022

So yeah, I lost five pounds using a razor.

I assure you this isn't a drastic reaction to major uncomfortable life changes or anything.

The short version as to why is, "I'm playing a cop in a feature next month and there's really no way to wig around it."

The long version is a little more in depth.

This has been coming for a while now.

Acting is my job. My body is my instrument. Yadda yadda yadda...

Look, I loved my old look.

Headed for it right when I left active duty and never really looked back.

I really don't like the way I look clean shaven.

I hate having a double chin that makes it look like my face is disappearing into my head.

Jovial viking really is one of my types.

And if I could specialize in medieval fantasy productions, I would.

Unfortunately, they don't make those in America.

And I don't have the citizenship, work permits, or industry pull to work effectively in places where they do.

As I age into my look (I was one of those guys who looked 30 at puberty), I'm auditioning for just as many blue-collar muscle types as I usually do.

But I'm also reading for lots of dads, patriarchs, and authority figures in general.

And in the U.S., those types overwhelmingly have short hair, and have for the last century and a half.

It is what it is.

I'm a character actor.

Success in my niche is a numbers game.

And the numbers overwhelmingly go for short hair.

In the rare case long hair is preferred, it's a lot easier to put me in a wig than it is the other way around.

The other big reason is that I'm balding. Hard to tell at the moment with so few people actually looking down on me, but it's happening. If my maternal uncle is any indication, I figure I got maybe a decade before I'm down to a Captain Picard crescent. Nothing necessarily wrong with that, but while I can rock bald and bearded anytime easy, I'm not Richard O'Brian, I can't make a skullet look good.

And because I'm definitely looking into more creature type roles in the future, short hair makes it easier for my makeup-wielding collaborators to work on me.

My career is growing steadily every year.

I'm just helping it along for a while. With luck, helping a great deal.

So yeah.

Fuck, it's a damn sight healthier than some of the wacky shit I could be doing to change my appearance for this fucking industry, that's for damn sure.

Take care of yourselves out there.

Timeshares: the devil's real estate

10/13/2022

If you don't have upper-middle-class boomer parents, you most likely know about timeshares from that episode of South Park about the presentation that just won't die.

Well, the presentation is only part of the nightmare.

On the surface, a timeshare is just like buying a condo. Only you're not buying a condo. You're buying access to said condo for a one-week increment of the year. Most of them are in vacation areas. And if you "own" a week near a holiday period, then it's regarded as better (and more expensive) than weeks at other times of the year. Only it has all the closing costs, fees, and taxes of buying a condo, even though you're only getting it one week a year. And of course there's an annual maintenance fee.

Remember the latest round of incels babbling about how a new car loses value the moment you drive it off the lot? They're right about the car, just fucked up comparing a human being to said car.

Anyway, a timeshare goes negative in value the moment the papers are signed. The contract is nigh-impossible to get out of. I swear, the only reason this bullshit is still legal is that the primary victim pool is full of people used to writing checks to make problems go away.

So why am I talking about this now?

Well, a member of my polycule lost a parent earlier this year. And among the various adventures in estates we've had ever since, one thing we found is that they inherited not one but three timeshares in the process.

We're not the first children of boomers to deal with this bullshit, we ain't gonna be the last. So here's some heads-up for my gen x and millennial bretheren, sisteren, and enbyren.

There are, in fact, a small handful of ways you can get rid of a timeshare.

(There are a number of companies that will offer to help you get rid of a timeshare. My only advice is to get rid of these companies first. Preferably before they know you exist. And people wonder why I want dueling to be legal in America. Motherfuckers...)

Almost all of them require two things.

One, the timeshare has to be paid off.

Two, there can't be any outstanding fees or taxes on it.

One way is to try selling it to some other sucker. Heh. Good luck with that.

Another way is asking the timeshare company (because yes there's a company that tracks all up-to-52 of you suckers to buy a week of that particular unit) if they have a buyback program. Most don't, but there's no harm in asking.

If you really believe you haven't done nearly enough sinning in your life, you can try and donate it to a charity. I kinda twitched at the idea at first, but I wouldn't be surprised to see a lot of my generation donate their late parents' timeshares to the salvation army out of sheer spite.

The last method is available in some states, my home of Georgia being one of them. Here, an inheritor can renounce their claim to a timeshare. But it has to happen in less than nine months from the death of the original owner. It just involves writing a declaration to the timeshare company renouncing claim to the unit. Again, it's got to be paid off and outstanding taxes and maintenance have to be paid. But it works.

(Because we've all played Garou, it was quickly declared the rite of renunciation.)

Anyways, like I said, we're not the first to deal with this, we ain't gonna be the last.

If you're an adult, have a fucking will. I've had one since I was 25. It's not nearly as creepy as it sounds.
I know it's uncomfortable talking about death and what comes after, but have the conversation. You have no idea how much extra hassle you'll be saving those left behind.

And never buy a timeshare.

And dueling should be legal.

Take care of yourselves out there.

Afternoon thoughts

9/27/2022

I'm seeing a relatively new professional trade experiencing some growing pains.

The second and third generations are learning from the pioneers. And in doing so, the pioneers are codifying their standards and practices and whatnot. Which, because times being what they are, involve certifications and professional organizations and of course, instructor fees.

And some in the second and third generations are balking.

"Who certified you?" they say. "What classes did you pay to go to?" "This was given to you."

Not. So. Much.

What the shiny pieces of paper and time spent truly means is guidance down a path to a goal. A goal you share. And an affiliated goal of guiding others down that path.

The pioneers had the goal, but the path did not exist.

They had a vague sense of direction and a dense and uncharted wilderness between them and that goal.

Then one of them picked up a machete and started swinging in what they thought was the right direction.

Then another. And another.

They spent years picking up machetes and blazing that trail.

They were given skepticism. They were given sneering. They were given scoffs. They were given derision.

Then somehow, people started noticing that not only was this goal feasible, there was a path to it.

The pioneers are looking at that path and thinking about all the hazards still on it. All the places to get hurt or lost along the way. Some of the more forward-thinking ones are wondering if there are easier paths to the goal out there.

Pretty much all of them realize that it's going to take lifetimes to find out.

Gods know there's validity in taking the claims of those who came before with a grain of salt.

And the value in understanding the why before setting yourself to learning how.

But it's a bit difficult to put the calluses gained from swinging a machete on one's resume.

There is value in realizing that they weren't given.

(I ain't saying what the trade is. Think what you will.)

State of the Jay

9/16/2022

Books

Renfield Blues is almost ready to go in dead tree and ebook form.
Waiting on some stuff.
No release date yet.
Rest assured I won't be subtle about it when it does happen.
Audiobook version keeps getting kicked down the priority list.
Might wind up being a 2023 thing.

Book sequel

I'm about 10K words into Ghost Light, the next book in the Gruntverse.
It will be a Phantom of the rock opera story, with Travis going undercover as an assistant stage manager.
No idea when I'll be calling for beta readers there, because...

Acting

I wasn't quite as busy as I'd hoped to be this year.
In a weird place, career-wise.
Fortunately, my calendar for the year is filling up fast.

Body

Better than last year and 2019, as measured in the "how much energy and how much aching does Dragoncon need and cause respectively?" scale.
I was not happy with my stamina and mobility in 2019.
Then I spent the first year or so of the pandemic frustrated at being able to be in better condition but unable to be in better shape (long story).
This year I've had a lot more energy and much better recovery.
Made it a point to hit either the range or the pool at least once a week over the summer, and results definitely showed by Dcon.
Here's to better still.
I'm beyond caring about gains and losses at this point.
I just want to break some generational habits and have working feet in 30 years.

Family

Doing really good, actually.
A lot of shit happened that I'll continue to be vague about, but the end results have really made us closer, oddly enough.

Season

In the last few days, it's finally started to smell like autumn here.
And it is glorious.
It's also been notably cooler, which I hope continues.

World

Still on fire, but not in many ways worth commenting on.
I'm so sick of "X being an asshole to Y because Z, Y being an asshole to X because Q, X and Y blaming R..."
Same old shitpot.
Not worth taking the time to stir it.
So that's me at the moment.

Take care of yourselves out there.

Wow

7/30/2022

So I read HR1808 (The latest Assault Weapons Ban) last night, after the House passed it.

If I was a gun control advocate, I'd be pissed.

I mean, I'm not. I have a functioning brain and I'm not a wannabe tyrant. But if I was, I'd be pissed.

Because the Democrats shafted those fuckers yet again.

Don't get me wrong, it's better written than the 94 ban. Only one cosmetic feature puts something on the list instead of two, not to mention the long list of current models it mentions. Got rid of banning bayonet lugs (but still bans grenade launchers as a feature, like ~that's~ been an ongoing problem).

It also grandfathers all banned weapons already in private hands.

There's 25-30 Million AR's in private hands alone. And parts for a million more. Ten were made in garages and basements as I wrote this. And close to 2 billion high capacity magazines for them alone.

(really standard capacity but gun control advocates are either too willfully ignorant to realize that or too evil to care)

And that doesn't even include AK and other platforms out there.

The fuck of it is, the Uvalde, Highland Park, and Buffalo shooters all purchased their weapons legally (despite police dropping the ball in at least two of those cases).

And the advocates of this ban will take that truth and use it to wrap the bullshit lie that this latest ban will do a damn thing to make anyone a single bit safer from mass shootings in the future.

This is why Democrats keep winning and being useless. They assume their constituents are too stupid to realize what's going on or too desperate to care. And all too often, they're proven right.

Like I said: not a gun control advocate. But if I was, I'd be pissed. Because the Democrats will try to hose those sorry little fuckers into thinking something's been accomplished.

It hasn't. Even if Moscow Mitch and the women-aren't-people rodeo in the senate don't squash it on arrival, it won't do a damn thing.

Take care of yourselves out there.

Three things dudes can do to stop grooming

7/7/2022

When in college, stop (and tell your friends to stop) hitting on high school girls.

When in the real world, stop (and tell your friends to stop) hitting on college girls.

When out and about, stop (and tell your friends to stop) hitting on your servers right fucking now and forevermore.

You might not see the results, but I assure you it's an exponential start.

I have a book brain at the moment

6/29/2022

I decided somewhere between leaving theater and fight choreography & writing for more than my own amusement that for professional purposes, I was an actor first and a writer a distant second. My other jobs of house spouse and trivia host turning up as they will.

In hindsight, I'm glad I'm choosing to self-publish this series. I don't expect a publisher to be cool with "I know deadline's in three weeks but I just booked a recurring, see you month after next!" and suchlike shenanniganry.

But with acting back in a lull, my brain is making me focus on the book details. Which I know are going to be much easier once I've actually done them. But for right now I'm deep in the weeds. The ability to follow a thread on formatting and suchlike helps. Audiobook recording is trickier, like rehearsing for a play where I don't know where the sightlines are. But once I can put together a playing space that passes audible's requirements, adjusting performance to fit will be much simpler.

At least it's keeping me distracted from the real world.

So many times I've been tempted to engage and my brain just says, "book."

It's no comfort knowing that the usual folks who would normally be screaming about what toxic war monkeys people like me are because of Bruen are instead legitimately furious and terrified over the striking down of Roe. And joined by tenfold others.

And I really, really want to grab every single one of those "we'll adopt your baby" signs and cram it in the waver's most delicate orifice. Bitch, there are twice as many kids in the system as there are Marines on active duty. What the fuck is stopping you? Other than it being a lot easier to wave cardboard and convince yourself you're right instead of step up and fucking parent. And I say that as someone who will never be able to foster until I get to a financial point where I can bribe my way past the bigotry.

But, I'm getting my shows done, the house is in order, and I managed to escape long enough for a swim yesterday. I'll take it.

And now my brain is prodding me about a book.

Take care of yourselves out there.

In the center, you may be targeted by all sides. But on the plus side, everyone talks to you.

6/24/2022

I was asked what I believe was an honest and sincere question.

"Would you share with me what makes it okay to kill a baby?"

I answered him honestly.

My response, edited for clarity and personal details, is below.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I'm going to take you at your word, and explain as best I am able.

First and foremost, I'm going from the advantageous position of knowing I will never be forced to make this choice, as I am neither a doctor nor a woman.

But from where I'm standing?

It starts with many of the same reasons it can be OK to kill anyone else.

It's not a pleasant choice. But it's a choice that on horrible occasion had to be made.

Pregnancy and childbirth are the number one killer of women worldwide throughout history, full stop.

We're designed rather badly that way. It takes regular access to first world medicine for women to be more likely to die from cancer and heart disease than from childbirth. It happens all the time.

And first world medicine doesn't stop it entirely. I have more than one loved one who had all the access in the world and almost died anyway.

So in that case, it is a matter of self defense.

It's not often thought of that way. People think self defense and they think strangers in dark alleys.

Well, dudes do. But that's a bit of a tangent. A tangent that boils down to the fact that there's a lot of ugly circumstances that can come into play depending on how your life has gone so far.

But even if I can wrap someone's head around it, it's not fully understood that way, because a lot of people don't understand self-defense in general.

I tell the handful of people I've taught that far that there are choices that keep you alive, choices that keep you out of jail, and choices that let you sleep at night.

But the thing about self defense is that you can't truly be forced to defend yourself. Doesn't matter what your weapon is or how much you're trained. Oh, you can be coerced or punished or pressured, but you can't truly be forced. It's your decision and yours alone.

And quite frankly, it should be.

On top of that, something else that is rarely spoken of: Lethal self-defense cannot only be used to counter an attempt to kill. But also attempts to maim. Attempts to commit what the lawyers call grievous bodily harm.

Grievous bodily harm includes rape.

It's rarely used as a trial defense, for reasons any woman in your life can tell you. But it's there on paper. And for much of human history, it was practical as well. Parts of the US had the death penalty for rape of an adult on the books until the 1970's, and for the rape of a child until 2008.

At the bottom of their hearts, a lot of those who rail against self-defense fear people they don't control making such choices.

Many people feeling that fear have taken it out on me over the years. Many don't recognize that that is what they're feeling or what they're doing. But I see it. I can almost smell it on them. And I can smell it when a similar fear is being thrown at other people.

Those who rail against abortion fear women they don't control having the power of life and death within the confines of their body.

I can hear all of your points and arguments. I have heard them all my life.

But I will ignore them for now and look at what you really fear.

And it is a fear.

A woman who controls her own body wields not only the power of life but that of death as well.

One of those would be intimidating enough, but both? In one person? One uncontrolled by a man? Uncontrolled by culture or family or law?

Scary, that.

It is fear that drives every attempt to deny her that power. To deny her that choice. To put obstacle after obstacle in her way, as if risking her own life to bring forth another wasn't obstacle enough.

I would not think to force anyone to defend themselves lethally. But I would let them know that doing so does not diminish their humanity. Despite what politicians and media and the mob think of it. That choice is their own.

Thus do I support a woman's choice. I would not force them into making one or the other. But I would let them know that doing so does not diminish their humanity. Despite what politicians and media and the mob think of it. That choice is their own.

You asked me what makes it OK to kill a baby?

I say your fear has blinded you into believing such choices are that simple.

The way fear of my weapon has blinded others into believing other choices are so simple.

You and they are so concerned with not trusting me or not trusting this hypothetical woman to make an ethical choice that you would deny us the right to make the choice at all.

Neither you nor they are close enough, involved enough, to make an informed choice for me, or for her.
And neither she, nor I, will allow your lack of trust to deny us our choices. They are difficult enough without you.

That is where I stand.

It is a position some may call crude and ugly, but it is one I can live with.

Grab the syrup, here's some hot takes

6/22/2022

So, I just skimmed the gun violence bill, which is probably more than your senator has done by now.

Title I is an expansion of children and family mental health services. Out of my wheelhouse. Could be useful. Could be your standard federal money pit. Could be useless as those old GWOT PTSD tests that accused you of alcoholism if you touched a drop of demon rum. Could go any way.

Title II has the bulk of the gun stuff.

First section allows for juvenile records to be checked under NICS.
Fair enough at first look.

Second section redefines "engaged in the business" by changing "with the principal objective of livelihood and profit" to "to predominately earn a profit."

In other words, it's requiring people who flip guns the way people flip houses to be FFL holders. It does make exceptions for people improving or liquidating personal collections. But it also adds language about criminal and terrorist purposes. This is probably to add a federal charge of operating an FFL to anyone who bankrolls the armory of a gang or a terror cell.

Third section allows for Byrne grants to implement state crisis prevention programs.

And here's where I call fuckery.

It claims to insist that such programs account for due process. But then claims the accused have the right to counsel at no expense to the government.

In other words, prove you're innocent on your own dime, uppity peasant.

"we're not infringing on anyone. We're just giving money to states who do it for us."

Thanks, pal. When I get ventilated and my cat gets splattered against the wall by a SWAT team in the dead of night because some jackwagon red-flags me over pics of my next range trip, I'm gonna be real comforted that it was done by a state administration instead of the fed. I'm feeling cozy already.

Fourth section ups the penalties for straw purposes.

Normally I'd be cool with this, especially if I thought it would be enforced. But it also spells out that civil asset forfeiture is a part of the bargain.

There's also a subsection prohibiting DOJ agents from giving guns to known cartel members. Decade late and a dollar short there, but I suppose it's good to know that's one page of the Obama white house playbook that can't be used again.

Section five closes the "boyfriend loophole."

This was always going to be a tough one, but the language they have is workable.

"The term ‘dating relationship’ means a relationship between individuals who have or have recently had a continuing serious relationship of a romantic or intimate nature... Whether a relationship constitutes a dating relationship under subparagraph (A) shall be determined based on consideration of— (i) the length of the relationship; (ii) the nature of the relationship; and (iii) the frequency and type of interaction between the individuals involved in the relationship."

Unfortunately the rest of the subsection becomes Lawdog's cake. DV Offenders in a dating relationship have their 2A rights restored five years after their sentence has been completed, but dv offenders in any other domestic relationship still have those rights permanently stricken.

I can see the question of "why should any dv offenders have the right to own a weapon again ever?"

Same reason we argue over whether convicted felons should be able to vote again.

It's an enumerated right that was taken from an individual upon conviction, and whether or not that right can be restored when they have paid their debt to society is on the table whether we like it or not.

This was a chance for the Democrats to prove they weren't interested in another slice of lawdog's cake.
Instead, they proved that when it comes to gun control, they are all take or no give.

They may have convinced themselves that not insisting on an assault weapons ban or magazine ban were concessions on their end. But to be honest, that was merely not asking for more instead of offering an exchange.

Title III is other matters. What looks like some medicare pork. And provisions for school safety.

Again, a lot of it is outside my wheelhouse. I'd like to think it would help with some school safety measures (like vetting RSO's not to be useless). But for all I know, it's just going to give reason to target kids who like loud music, horror movies, and crappy poetry again.

TBH, I think the straw purchase and boyfriend loopholes are useful, if only to punish actual straw purchasers for once. But the red flag provisions are kicking that can to the states, which will lead to state-by-state fuckery.

Take care of yourselves out there.

Should players be paid for AP's?

6/21/2022

Because the tiny part of me that is masochistic instead of the other way around gets whiny if I don't let him out, I was scrolling twitter earlier, and I came upon the question:

"Should players get paid for AP*s?"

(*actual plays. Live streaming events where people play a ttrpg before the cameras.)

Someone order another round and pull the chairs in, this is gonna take me a while. And I'm not doing it on Twitter.

Performing arts careers have always had gatekeeping and cash flow problems. And performers encountering them have always been thinking up ways to make their own damn gates. Youtube making video streaming practical for laymen users... fuck, almost 20 years ago? Make that next one a double. Anyways, meant that new forms of performance have been followed by new forms of performers looking to make a buck that way. We've seen it with video review shows and we've seen it with cosplay, among others. Now we're seeing it for AP's.

And while @AlliesNerd has a good threat going, there's some big questions that aren't being asked.

Big question one:
"Is the AP in question being run for the sake of the players or for the sake of the audience?"

Leaving that question unasked or trying to weasel out of it by saying "both" will not end well.

If the answer is "the players," then the answer is no. They don't need to be paid. Their focus is on having fun. Let them. The audience is just along for the ride at that point.

(If you want to pay them on general principle, I'm not about to stop you. But I'm also not about to throw shade if you just throw them a party or something if there's anything left after expenses.)

If, however, your AP is situated on drawing a crowd, or, gods help you, a profit, then yes, your players should be paid.

That said, while it will still be more fun, that may require further direction on the DM's part. Performing for your own sake instead of that of the audience is what an old friend of mine calls actorbation. And while it's all well and good if that's understood that's what you're doing, it's not the recipe for a paying gig.

Big question two:
"Where is the money to pay your players coming from?"

(And I swear to Odin, the first little fucker who says anything about a capitalist hellscape is getting strapped down and spanked with an economics textbook until they can scream "free markets work" well enough to make me believe it.)

Twitch seems to allow for the two classic methods of payment: patronage and direct ticketing. Twitch acts as a house manager, splitting subscription revenue with a given streamer. And viewers have an option to donate, which is a method as old as passing a hat around.

Other streams, like merch, really should wait until the first two are established and regular.

Once you've established this, you've got an idea of how many eyes you need on your channel and how often hats need to be passed in order for everyone involved to be paid at least comfortably.

You've also probably realized that you'll need to invest in yourself first in order to have something that brings said eyes on.

Big question three:
"Where is your game at now?"

If you're asking about paying players, you're at one of two stages.

Either your game hasn't started and you're dreaming about the future.

Or, you've been playing for a while, suddenly there's money, and you're figuring out what to do.

The first stage is the better one to start thinking such things with by far.

The second is possible, but everyone involved needs to tread lightly.

Because, one of the big ugly secrets of art history?

If the question "you're getting paid for this?" was answered early, often, and honestly? A significant portion of the world's collaborated art would never have been made.

Which is part of the reason transparency on such things is like pulling teeth (looking at you, theater.)

Yes, some of it is undoubtedly due to greed.

But I'd wager that most is the result of wanting the art to happen being a higher priority than paying everyone who should be.

Unfortunately, the greedy have learned long ago that "the show must go on" gets sympathy. Figuring out what is which is an ongoing problem.

So, some things to keep in mind:

What are the sunk costs?

Cameras, mics, lights, computers. How much did you buy for the purpose? (and how much wear and tear are you putting on your personal gear?)

Who's working behind the scenes? Sound, light, camera, editing, artwork? Because they've earned their cut too.

Who's getting hit with the tax paperwork and the payment processor fees? Such things should be accounted for.

This is why contracts spelling out daily rates or percentages of the take get signed before the picture comes out, folks.

Big question four:
(and this is really for those who are trying to make money from the ground up)
"What are you bringing to the audience that nobody else is?"

At this point I'm assuming that you've decided to do this for money, and are working towards that end. So I have to ask you what makes people want to watch your AP? What about you, your game, and your players will bring in the 600 bottom tier subscribers it will take to make what twitch calls a successful streamer?

Critical Role has a simple premise: "professional voice actors play D&D."

One sentence says it all. It's the gaming equivalent of watching headliner musicians record a jam session.

Tabletop, the spiritual ancestor of ap's, had a simple premise: "Wil Wheaton and guests play a new board game every week."

Yes, the first and most successful examples of ap's were people who were already involved in the industry trying something different.

Now there's a lot of AP's out there. What is it about your game that makes you different?

The answer doesn't need to be complicated. In fact, simple is better. But it does need to fit in a sentence or two and it needs to hook me from there.

TV and movies have to do this at every level, from getting pitched to getting made to getting audiences.

Buffy the vampire slayer is "A monster stalks a cute girl into a dark alley. She kicks his ass."

John Wick is, "Gang thugs beat up a random guy, kill his dog, and steal his car. That random guy was the deadliest man in the underworld, and that dog and car were the last things he ever cared about."

The Untouchables is, "The handful of cops in Chicago who aren't on the take band together to take down Al Capone."

One or two sentences, you know what you're in for and you want to know what happens next.

(This is not completely foolproof. Some movies are really difficult to sum up this way. And even if those movies are really good, they suffer commercially. The Princess Bride is one of my favorites ever, and it tanked at the box office. To this day it is taught in marketing classes for it's unsellability. Because encompassing it in a marketing pitch is damn near impossible. Everything Everywhere All At Once STILL hasn't broken $100M at the US box office despite being the most incredible movie I've seen in a decade.

That said, you're not trying to redefine cinema. You're trying to get subscribers on your channel to watch your ap, thence to get paid. So make with the marketing pitch.)

I'm not trying to be a crusty old capitalist mercenary (although I absolutely am one).

I'm glad people's first instinct is to pay those that made the magic happen for them.

We need more of that attitude in the world. (Still fucking talking to you, theater)
But questions of "can?" and "how?" definitely need to be answered before anyone starts attaching numbers to "should?"

Anywise, take care of yourselves out there.